I dont know how should I feel.
Maybe it's just me, again,
so many times I've felt so much,
When I'm around you, not doing anything,

Listening to my songs, your picture in my head
I feel the emotions,
happiness,
sadness,
confusion,
a surge of energy accumulates inside,
but why? I dont see why i feel all that thinking about you.

Is it looks?
no..
Is it attitude?
... that must be it?

A little bit of dejection puts me off,
I want out,
I know the result,
I feel it now,
after your sentence, the one before me,
even that insignificant "no" over such a small issue,
I feel sad, speechless.
I never treated you like this before, just a normal friend,
how did u get here? why did u get here? why cant u get out.
.... I dont know what to feel already.. I feel lost.
Leave me lost, leave me be, I'm in my own world, fake heaven,
seemed possible once, but now shattered, the soft feeling inside me, is actually pain, wth is wrong?

god show me, show me my way, show me what to do.

Get out of me, I dont want to feel it again, so many times, I've seen this before, I know what I'll feel at the end, I dont want to feel this again, ... let fate guide me, my ending, bring me there.
I'll put in my useless effort, I'll try to act normal, I'll be a friend. Because that, that is what you truly feel this is, then, that is what it'll be, no more posts regarding this. this is the last one. good night.
...

I dont know what to think anymore.. studies is most impt.
wandering around blurly with no sense of direction. not exactly the best idea I've had.. entire morning screwed up.

yesterday, nth much, supposedly had a primary school SCHOOL outing, not class outing, sheena invited everybody she could think of. didnt really want to go, but russell talked me into it, he said he wanted to go awhile only, so ok lor, went, i think i only knew like 5-6 ppl there? Sheena, Jing Han, Zulfarhan, Yushan, the other 20 over ppl i dno who. dno why debby and celeste never go..
left early, like 10 minutes after reaching there, feeling so extra go there for wad also dno, russell was playing around with the autotune app on my phone.

got to downtown east, went for a movie The Legend of Ip Man, reached home damn late, abt 12 something..

and then, my phone jammed, spent one hour and hacked into its stupid database, so many programs inside until it took me an hour plus to even look through them, deleted afew programs that were causing the stupid jam, and fixed the phone, lol, replied ethel very very late, then 1am or so in the morning, fially went to bed. =.= wake up, all the nonsense again. now right hand grazed, left hand bruised slightly, and dno how i got the little cut on my right hand, it would have been worst if i whacked the person who deserved it and not the punching bag.. russell came over abit, now okok alr.
holidays almost over, but cant get rid of the holiday feeling.. Need to do something about this now!..

Really nice day today. Was looking forward to today =).
Got up bright and early, 730am, showered changed etc, u get the idea, then at 8, went for breakfast with Russell, KFC, NOT inappropriate for breakfast i wanna add, hehe!
Reached back to my place, watched phua chu kang on youtube, lols, with Russell, damn funny sia seriously, dno how I got sucked into something like this, not my fault, hehehe! Ronald MacDonalds fault =.= stupid, look for ronald macdonalds until end up like this.
Anyway, left home at about 955 to meet *erhmm*Ritesh*erhmm* (I'll be using that often now^^, hehehe!!) for a celebration. I thought it'd be the usual kinda thing, that I'd reach there early and wait for Miss Chiobu (to create mysterious atmosphere, I wont say name^^, hehe!) to come, cause everytime I go out on outings I organise, everyone comes late and I always come too early, so I usually end up waiting till it's the time they're supposed to arrive, and then end up waiting even further till the time they get where ever it is I'm supposed to meet them. LOL, this time was surprisingly different, she got there earlier than I did! LOL NEVER happened before, especially since I usually arrive at these kinda outings early.
Shant blog about the middle part =) rather not publicise everything.
Met up with Jordan and Chuw teck after that and went for basketball! hehe! First warm-up abit, then played match, then played ElephantS=.=, then Got FREAKING FUN!
HEHE! Kay Rui suggested playing one-on-one, first to 3, and then loser out. DAMN SHIOK SIA!
Kay Rui started against me, beat him 3-nil. Jordan came in after kay rui, beat him 3-nil, Chuw Teck came in after Jordan, beat him 3-nil, CHIOBU WENT MISSING!?, Jordan came back in BECAUSE CHIOBU WENT MISSING, lols, if she played I think I'd have lost, hehe, you just cant bully girls, anyway, beat him 3-nil! LOLS! 12-NIL! I Feel So ACCOMPLISHED!! COMPLETE OWNAGE! HEHE!!
Left out alot, =) I'd rather keep such stuff in my own memory =)!
Now....


































I'm GONNA WATCH PCK! NITES!xD

When nothing seems to work,
And no one gets things done right,
Get it done,
Yourself.

But sometimes,
When nothing seems to work,
When life gets you down,
And no one gets things done right,

It was worthwhile,
having friends that actually tried,
tried to get things done right,
and for that,

I'm grateful.





Anyway, to blog about ytd,
Brian came over at round 11-ish, Russell at about 10-ish.
Brian helped jailbreak my iphone
then played a bit of xbox, then left for Zheng Rong's place.

Played left4dead, (both russell and brian =.=) on 2 coms side by side each other, and I was sitting behind looking at them play, one person shooting zombies with sniper, other person shooting zombies with pistol =.= one zooming in and out with sniper, other wan chionging around the battlefield spinning 360 degrees everywhere and shooting like nuts, MADE ME DIZZY like anything =.= I fainted.
=.= did u believe I fainted? I was just testing ya, LOL
Anyway, xD hehe, then played Call Of Duty, for quite awhile, 2 hours at least, then left for home.
Russell went home, Brian accompanied me to tm^^ cause he could have taken another bus home anyway, (thanks!), and then he took another bus home from tampines mall=.=
Bought the gift, now wondering if i should wrap it..
C'mon justin, it's a gift, go wrap it, Or, No justin, it's too big, and it's weird to wrap it, dont wrap.
Who should I listen to? shucks, I think I wont, it's weird to wrap it.. plus my wrapping skills arent exactly all that good if I remember correctly=.= gtg
bye

hais, nice and dreadful day.
woke up 7am, quite usual, but I've made plans to meet jordan at his house at 8 for basketball later on.
Brought all my work over there, woke jordan up, and gatecrashed^^
did work all the way till 930 or so, only managed to finish half of the victoria paper emaths.. Kay rui arrived, after getting caught in the storm raging outside, then chuw teck arrived, and he hooked me on to Call Of Duty 4 on jordan's ps3:D first time playing it, owned and GOT OWNED =.= ^^ at least I owned kay rui, hehehe!

Went all the way to parkway to get a ball, and all the way back to school to get jordan's homework as well as play basketball, and guess what? Mr OM stepped out of the front office as soon as we entered the main gate, and starts pointing at the security guard followed by in our direction, Yes OM I'm here to rob ur stupid school=.=, clever as always, but we were actually there to get jordan's homework as well as play basketball,why am I repeating myself..? anyway, Back to my story, kay rui needed to go to the toilet urgently but the OM refused to let him into the school toilets^^, at least something happy came out of all of that xD. anyhow, kay rui barged his way into the toilet, Jordan barged his way into the classroom for his books, and then when i wanted to barge into the basketball court, we were barged out of school, a happy ending, for OM. I'm gonna burn down his house.

No worries, time for plan B! Went back to jordan's place to unload his books and went to Geylang serai to play basketball ^^

Played for barely 5 minutes and Mr Choy decided to fall down cause the court was slippery, then he decided that playing barefooted was safer, so he took off his shoes, and I remember telling him something like "I bet there's gonna be someone else who falls down, wanna bet?", he gave me that =.= look. I'm a good fortune teller by the way.

15 minutes later, chuw teck wee falls down.

10 minutes after that, kay rui and his sharp fingernails poked me on the left hand, and blood starts to come out from the tiny spot he poked. He said sorry.

5 minutes after that I fall down, grazed MY OWN knee, and landed on MY OWN hand at the same time. wasnt that just a wonderful experience, took the words right out of my mouth and threw it right back at me head on, yup, it was nice, blood was nice too, pain as hell. Also, i rmb kay rui saying something like "Somebody said others were gonna fall down" or something like that. must be retribution:(

So I went to the toilet, cleaned up the wound, came back out, started playing again, and guess what? Yeah that's right, fell down again, I fell down AGAIN. Isnt that just great, the court hates me. =.=landed on my hand this time and it hurt like **** inside. I think I ought to be wearing a kelvar to play basketball to just lessen the damage 20 minutes in a basketball court can actually do to me.

gave up, sat down for about 20 minutes, and MADE SURE THE COURT WAS DRY before I started playing again. Come to think of it, it's a miracle I actually could stand up and play, lols, wound looks nasty, dont think I've ever gotten a wound like this since at least 4 years ago or maybe even longer, but it's not as bad as it looks, mind over matter =).

went for piano tuition, teacher said the usual, that if i dont practice for the exam this september, he's gonna pull me out, and that if I took it, and failed, he'd be sacked, :( feel very sad, seriously, dont feel like practising.. but i dowan make him lose his job lehs.. he not joking wan leh, seriously gonna get sacked if i fail :( howhowhow... MANS THIS SUCKS!

I'm bored.. 1030 at nite, knee still scarlet red, hand has a pokadot on it, piano haven practice, I WAAANA GO TO SLEEP AND FORGET EVERYTHING FOREVER. I think if snow white was alive I need her poisoned apple... can you help me find it. Prince charming can get lost too, he can go kiss shrek, neither of them should come kiss me after I've take Snow White's apple..
Somebody help me, I need a remedy that can save my life.

lols, extremely ecstatic day today. school was not too shabby too.
1st lesson, emaths, came in late.. went through lessons as normal, did my homework, brought my books, no complaints.
then was chem, boring as usual, oxidation regarding H2, and the same rate of reaction thing.
then english^^ me and jordan went to the hall to play piano when it was closed, there's actually a way to get in =) my way. the auntie usually leaves either a shutter or door unlocked. and we came back late for english lesson, abt 5-10 minutes roughly, and i couldnt find wherever my part of the class went to, so i just stayed in 4A, =) lazy walk around anyway.
after school, went to seoul gardens for a buffet! 14 dollars and 50 cents per person, cooked our own eggs, teriyaki chicken, squid, other types of chicken, beef, ate ice cream, clams, noobls, bee hoon, and i made the pan all full of egg white =.= so hard to cook with the equipment provided, and the service was lousy, food was good though, and the place was a mess later on, but meanwhile, i went to go get 4 pao to eat, and when i brought the 4 pao back on a large plate everybody stared at me and started laughing =.= and chuw teck wee, stupid! laugh at the joke he didnt catch, made kay rui laugh, and then i started laughing, laughed for 20 minutes over man, wtf!? him and his buns and bakers =.= idiot. and xin ni was standing up eating for about 15 minutes and i didnt get why.. and then we did =.= that was the most interesting theology I've learnt in my life =.=
Went for a Movie, the A-Team, walao! Not bad sia! I think I'll give it about 8-8.5/10 for rating! ^^! Xin Ni missed her xiao niang re show, Lols! and chuw teck wee and jordan "helped" me.. Left and told ppl my story of the ritesh at chem lab =.= hope it never happens again. going for another movie in about an hour with parents, karate kid, wonder whether it'lll be just as nice..
Will be in msia from sunday to tuesday, quite the issue, hais, then wednesday come back immediately got piano tuition, i think he'll kill me, haven practiced again. tmr have 2 piano tuitions (same teacher but 2 time slots) and chinese tuition in the morning, overkill.
gtg. byes! movie time.

Real nasty day today.. some parts still worth mentioning..
Started my day in school with laughter, that's good. 1st recess, very standard, I'll go get a green tea from the canteen, then go back to class. did that.
stuff it, I'll skip the boring stuff. After amaths, stayed back in audi with kay rui to play piano for a while. then went off for physics.
After school, all the bad stuff starts happening, played basketball while waiting for english oral. played 30 minutes or so, fell once, almost sprained my ankle. sweating like nobody's business. went to drink water cooler, drank 3 mouth-full, then I realised the water's milky! WTF!? i felt like drinking listerine after that.. milky like limewater mixed with co2, that standard of milky. bloody hell. then went to toilet, upress the tap, brown colour water starts splurting out, WTF?! press the tap 2s later water all turn from transparent to yellow-brown. stuff it, went to buy water from canteen.
later on, which actualy means all the way up till now, I have developed a splitting headache.. worst headache I've got since god-knows-when. lie down on my bed only it spontaneously comes back, get up from my back also the same, walking around not so bad. went to bed for 2 hours or so, it's much better, but still bad.. ran out of panadol, gonna get some soon.
yesterday's workout and today's basketball also didnt match very well, stamina completely drained, carry my bag back from school also out of breath.. completely drained, when I reached back home it was as if I just ran 1.6, perspiring, but not alot, still, not normal. no more basketball till this rubbish is over..
I need a break.

Off the playlist song before reading, song and mood dont match at all today. Weird day in school. lemme tell you my story.
first thing in the morning, had to hand in chinese homework to huang lao shi. the moment i drop it into her box, stomach ache. made my way to the nearest toiet, no tissue paper, die. run to drink stall ask uncle got paper or not, then run into esther, said hi, went into toilet. 3 dots, rush back to classroom, find out nobody's in class, and cant find my chemistry materials, just lovely isnt it. in sec 4 we happen to have privileges, like when we enter class late, we dont get shot by teachers, so being me, i entered politely and got to my seat. Then had to do some practical, which she told all of us to put 5g of calcium carbonate into 50cm^3 of Hydrochloric acid, put in only 5 second later like no more reaction already and my expiermient look like mlik, dont know WHAT exactly went wrong. then check other people's everybody also took cher's advice, everybody also got milk, i told myself to screw it, i did. Chem cher gave us homework, sleepy. gave us more homework, going to sleep. and then finally, she let us off, no more sleepy.
physics lesson, tried to pay attention to what the cher had to say, but jordan was trying to get attention too, i lost some to him, meaning i lost some to soend on cher too, meaning i lost some info somewhere, i just havent found out where yet. explaining dc and ac current, ms lim explained both alr, then some idiot asked a question cause he didnt understand, and ms/mrs/mdm (?) Neo(?) took the mike from ms lim and started explaining. Dont know why, but when she explain, the tone she was using made me anxious, cause she started talking with the tone as if you dont know anything like that, and she repeated whatever ms lim said again, and then i felt lost=.= which idiot asked the question. anyway, next came the physics test, which i cant really say was a test, jordan was helping me here and there and ms lim was giving tips. :D i'm beginning to think ms lim isnt such a confusing teacher after all ^^! After the test, jordan looks at his back, which has now turned from black to white, and asks me why it has changed colour??? I said "I dont know, where did you put it?" he smells it and tells me "next to gorvind", and then asks me to smell it too=.=. I said okay (cause I'm a nice guy =)!!), smelled it, and it smelled exactly like those kinda coconut oil on indian's heads. I look at him, he look at gorvind, gorvind looks at us and says "what?" Jordan starts complaining, Gorvind says it's not his fault, dot dot dot. must be accidentally spilled some powder or something that is somehow related to coconut oil on jordan's bag xD hehehehe.
Last period, what was it again? stml.. social studies! copied slides until hand pain, while ms nani i think was reading alot off the slides.. anyway, that serves as notes. very tiring, yawned like anything..
Bio period, jordan looks at me, smiles, and starts using his paper to do chromatography with his pen ink with the eiosin dye as a solvent, failed miserably, leaves for chemistry olympiad, and i had to help clean up =.=, not only that, after that must go ask Ms Tan somemore WHAT EXACTLY DO I DO WITH THE PAPER USED FOR HIS CHROMATOGRAPHY EXPERIMENT, ms tan looks at me, smiles, stops smiling, shakes her head, tells me to keep it for him, WHY MUST I KEEP IT FOR HIM!? Jordan I hope ur reading ThIs, u owe me BIG after all that. And to think he chopped me with his celery-eiosin-custom-made-chop on my arm TWICE, and now got two weird red marks on my arm =.= HE OWES ME HIS LIFE. RIGHT!? =.= SHUCKS. AND HE VANDALISED MY BOOK TODAY =.=. I'm A Freaking Victim, Imma gonna play some prank soon! =.= now must think up prank 1st.
9pm showing starting soon=) cant wait. see ya!