Wa just got back from aus not too long ago hahah!

Day 1:

Got there and started climbing mountains right after arriving in Australia. Started with Springbrook National Park, took pictures like retards, and Kay Rui's driving was ABSOLUTELY SUPERB RECKLESS! Wa Ive never seen driving like this ever sia srsly up the mountain around the bends so fast can feel G force like a frigging rollercoaster. Midway up the mountain we ran into a placed called PuddleDucks, but it was closed, BUT WE BROKE IN ANYWAY. LOL Took pictures everywhere, and fooled everyone else driving up the mountain into thinking that was a legit stop heheh! Probably 6 cars stopped there after us, but there was nothing there except maybe a little scenic view!! So we drove off after they all stopped there.

Went to Surfers Paradise and bought some cheap wine that tasted like beer minus the carbonated drink taste, and went back to the car.

AND THEN
Paid 72AUD for a buffet but slept in the car to SAVE MONEY ffs I almost died during the first night. Bloody windbreaker jacket with fleece inside + shirt + Long pants, 3am in the morning need to go toilet FKFKKDEDEBNDXJUNWS. FROZE EVERY CELL IN MY BODY LOL. Kay Rui peed nearby (by which I mean bushes, because all the buildings ie hotels were CLOSED). Not to mention the buffet wasnt really worth it since there was no sashimi =((


Day 2:

Drove to Peter's fish Market and ate Monray Oysters and Fish and Chips for Breakfast, and Macs as well. Their Macs has some really good Hashbrowns, nothing like Singapore's! It's damn crispy, and it doesnt stick to it's wrapping paper. Damn nice.

Thennn we drove to Harbourtown to go shopping. Every store was 1 story only and lined up all over the street like some maze. Sold stuff that was quite cheap!

NOW. The best part! WE HAVE ACCOMMODATION!!! That in itself is a miracle. Anw. It was a single story house owned by our landlord, and her name is Skye. Quite chio. hahah! But NOT the best part yet. We had other tenants living with us! AND GUESS WHAT. 1 of them was from TK LOL! TKSS Quite chio I guess, but not my type. BUT, it was chuw teck's type ^^ *Insert raised eyebrows emoticon*. AND BECAUSE OF THIS I had a ccommodation on the third day!! Lemee Explain. Chuw was like head over heels with her and was acting all funny and stuff. And supposedly, on Day 3, we were planning to SLEEP IN THE CAR AGAIN. BUT, because of this TK Girl, we tried to book another day with Skye for Day 3.

Poem time:

But alas, it was not to be.
For there was a tenant coming in on day 3.
And Chuw Teck's heart would bleed.
Even though he refuses to acknowloedge it.

HAHAHAH! SO INSTEAD, I MANAGED TO CONVINCE KR to book a night elsewhere, and it would be written in stone that we'd have accommodation for the third night!:DDDDDDDD

And we also found Kay Rui's stalker. Literally. Not an inside joke lol. He had a stalker. Oh Lauuurennnn ^^!!!!! Kay Rui's gna marry an African one day HAHAHAHAHAH


Day 3:

We climbed up (and down) Mount Tamborine. There was a beautiful lake and waterfall there and me and Kay Rui had a "Let's see how long you can put your feet in the Cold lake" Competition, in which I had a initial stunning record of 20s and Kay Rui 2minutes 2 MINUTES LONG. WTF Bloody cold! 10s in and I was feeling pain all over my feet. BUT ANW. I was determined to try and beat him. So I went in again, for 1min (still lost). And when I came out, I was asking myself a question: What is Feet? Couldnt feel my feet at all.

Took pictures, saw chiobu, took more pictures. Etc.

THEN, we ran into a guy and his daughter. They were setting up candles by the lake in preparation for A WEDDING PROPOSAL O.O WHOTOTOTOTOOTSOJSEDJ So we asked them if we could take a picture with them! He was also hanging black small boards everywhere with really romantic stuff on them all over the park b4 he asks his wife-to-be over at night! Damnnnnnnn Romanticcc!

Booked in at a Backpacker's place right 2 streets from where we slept in the car =.= Went surfing, no wetsuit. BAD IDEA. Abrasion from the sand when surfing is LEGIT PAIN. Jordan sat on his glasses and broke them. Kay Rui went into the sea and the sea stole his glasses when he went into the sea while he was out on a jog at the beach. Basically sums up all the events of my day HAHAHAH! Paid 5 bucks for an all-you-can-eat BBQ Buffet at the backpackers. And everything was good! Seagulls everywhere as well.


Day 4:

Went to Famous Yatala Pies and WHOOOOO the pies and DAMN GOOD!!! Went to beach as well =) Booked in at another Backpackers' place. Had a pool table, a ping-pong table, played abit aanddd Went to Surfer's paradise and had a Drink. By which I mean Alcoholic. That sealed the night.


Day 5:

Went to pick Strawberries! HUGE STRAWBERRIES. Donated them to the Mian yu Foundation later on though heheh! Since I wasnt going to drag strawberries home, but anw. Booked in at a new place. Landlord's name was Donna. Quite old maybe 40+? Aanother 5-6 tenants in the same house, imagine how big the house is. Newly renovated. BED WERE THE COMFIEST THING EVER. Stove to ourselves, fridge as well. Had 2 dogs!! Damn cute played with them like nuts hahah! All this typing is killing me Imma continue some other time lol CANNOT TAKE IT BYE (hehehehe)

Okie update time!

Where to start lol. Ive been meeting Russell quite often for lunches and stuff.

Bought 4 Long Sleeve working shirts and 1 Pair of working pants with Jordan and Chuw 1.5 weeks back, from G2000, wa damn cheap. I think 6 LS Shirts and 2 Working pants only 200 lol. Damn worth it. Needed to get them altered though. Could only collect them 5 days later. So.

Met Jordan and Chuw on sat again to do quite a lot of stuff. Went to Teo Heng and sang like a crow for 3 hrs, then went to Parkway Parade to collect my working clothes that were altered, and Jordan's as well. Then went to Jordan's place, played 2-3 games of Dota, won2/3 lol. Played with DOG :D Luchy! So cute! But nv shower for 1 week! >:O Jordan. Ate dinner at his house, then went to Katong Laksa for supper before heading home! =) Was supposed to be a slpover but oh wells!

My Dota rank's gone back up to almost 3.4k. I swear once I get it to hit 4k Im done with this lol.

Met Brian today. Went to his place, and played with Thor! :D the cat, Loki (the other cat) was too busy being a cat and not minding me. Thor was minding me a lot, so I minded him too hahah! Went for lunch nearby and talked quite a lot. Bought some beer that he recommended and tried it, wasnt very great either fortunately/unfortunately. Then went back to his place to chill and talk and play com and stuff. Left at arnd 3. Got back home and started doing Malay tuition work again as usual. Damnnnn it's tmr. Malay Tuition that is. Chiro is tmr too! So basically tmr will be spent traveling and doing malay hmw lol.

Meeting Kia Yeow on Thurs, which also happens to be a day where I have ... wait for ittt. MALAYAAA TUITION ggwp Then gna watch Minions with him at Bugis, and most likely not gna do malay hmw, which meanssss --> screwed.

Fri father taking leave, so family day, and sat most prolly gna be free, if nt, then it would mean that it is Reena's bday party, Location and timing not sure yet since the party itself is not confirmed yet.

Imma so slpy I could slp a cow. Played a game just now. 4(me)v2(enemy) and we lost. Can cry sia rly. So sad I almost flooded the floor.

Need to post a cheque to aviva to stop them from canceling my insurance policy. Need to call chiro and change timing tmr. Need to Buy presents for everyone. Imma... say it with me.. SCrewwwedd. So many chores. So little time. And even littler motivation.

No strength. need. Rest. Gna. Slp. gdnite!

Wa, a lot of traumatizing things keep happening, hays, sianz. But it all boils down to me gg to msia soon. sadss.

Wa today, sitting in the train, listening to music, suddenly I overheard the conversation on my left. 3 40yr old ladies talking. Telling each other how they wont buy gifts for certain people because they dont appreciate it or maybe the family doesnt like it and how they wont buy gifts for their husbands anymore because her husband gave the gift to her son instead. Srsly cant take it, I hate to use this word, but it is true, all of them are having a bitching party on my left._. I mean shouldnt you tell your husband directly instead of talk bad about him to your other female friends?? How is this gonna solve the problem?? I dont hate stuff much, but this is one of those things. My wife next time better not be someone like that. A clean honest relationship.

Been awhile since Ive blogged! Time to blog while waiting for dota to start hahah!

Just finished writing up a tabs for Melodies of Life. Maybe I'll post it here when I've memorised it heheh! More or less memorised Billy Jean alr, but it's not very complicated to mehs. Memorised Stand By Me too ^^ Hopefully I havent forgotten it. My Acoustic Guitar string just snapped last night =( Gonna have to get it replaced, which means it'll start getting out of tune a lot more again for a week or so plus.

Recent developments in life: The Arrow has become Ra's al Ghul, The Flash has finally found his mother's killer, and Penguin is trying to kill Don Maroni. I've just discovered Daredevil, but it's a bit too gory for my taste =( Woots Everything getting exciting! Luffy has GEAR 4 DAMNSSZZ!! Fate/Stay Night Season 2 is out! Knights of Sidonia Season 2 is out! When is Bleach comin out damnit.


Ya wont believe it, I won 8-9 games straight in dota, then I lost the next 9 games straight O.ooo DAADNJENDEJ Damn annoying. Just saw a guide on how to play techies, but I haven tried yet so Im quite sure I'll lose if I try in a ranked match.

Got Malay TUITION. For crying out loud. Difficult. All the root words need to be added with something in front or/and behind to make it usable. Like adding Ber/Per/Ter/Meng/ALOT MORE in front, and an or kan behind. Plus their sentence structure. My brain. Cannot take lol. Game starting, gna lose again=.= ciaos

So many things happening with so close intervals to each others, my nerves are grating and my mind probably isnt going to last much longer if this keeps up. I dont like this process of growing up. I just feel like staying in my comfort zone, and enjoying life while it lasts, but now..

Accepted into Imu. I guess half or 3/4 of my heart was hoping and expecting not to get in. That way I'd have no choice but to pick a course in Singapore and enjoy my time here, with friends, with family. So, after a really exhausting day of work, and a slight headache on the way home, you can imagine the feeling I had when I saw I got into IMU.. I was so happy when I saw it, but seconds later I felt like it had robbed me of many things, and then the ride home became ridiculously long, and stressful. The very opposite of what I was anticipating while I was at work -- I just wanted to go home and play a game of dota before having dinner and movie with my family and everything.

No dota when I got home. Obviously. Complicated evening ensued, which I will not elaborate on because I feel it's personal. Then had a talk with my dad and he said I should just go for it, because it determines the next 30 years of my life or more and that he wanted me to be doing smth that I like and smth that can support myself without having to think a lot on financial problems. Said I could fly back once or twice every month if I wanted to since it was just in msia, but when I go to uk, then it'll be a different story.

So now Im thinking, why on earth do I have a job now, when Im supposed to be enjoying my time in Singapore?? But I cant quit now because I just signed up. Moreover there's no one free now. The girls are studying till May sometime, chuw's got a job too but hey, he's studying and working in Singapore. Kay Rui's gone, Ben Cheng's in the army, so that leaves Jordan and Kia Yeow. I could go out everyday, but I'd need to spend too so that's probably not such a good idea. So. Im gonna work till May, and then Im done with this. I need time to enjoy what's around me, the people around me, the atmosphere around me, the places. After that I'll try to come back once a month over weekends during semesters, and for the entire duration of my holidays if possible. That way I'd get to spend more time with family and meet up with friends and have slpovers^^ hahah!

I dont know how people go overseas and study so easily. Really made me think about so many things and realise how much more I need to cherish every little thing around me. Esp my family and friends. So many people went overseas just like that, mel, mian yu, kay rui, ethel, pris, mich, bertrand, and soon kia yeow as well. All this SHT NEVER existed when I was in Primary School and Secondary School, and even Junior College, but suddenly the whole damn world is splitting in 2. Everyone going everywhere and breaking things everywhere, and now Im going down the same path. Why on earth couldnt I just get into a local med school..

Either way, will try to meet up with xn aijing they all once a month if possible, if I can come back every month, and maybe Chuw and jordan as well. If only I could meet kay rui once a month, but that's impossible. If I cant meet them then maybe I'll skype them. Fml. Resorting to skype.. Better than nothing, really.. Whole life turning inside out and upside down it feels..

First official day at work, cos I actually did work, and will be doing work from now on, until the next 2 months are over. Wa really sian. My shoulders are stiff and my neck hurts a bit. Zzz.

Anw, got my biscuits to look forward to :D probably gonna be all finished in 3-4 days tops. Hais. Need more trips to penang =(

Feels damn long since I last came back here, ha! Ok, for this week. Damn nerve-wrecking.



Started work on Tuesday. Went to IRAS, learnt a couple of things, but cant start doing anything yet cause my password wont be processed till Friday, so ended up just learning a lot of complicated technical things. 8-5 Job, 7.50/hr, quite normal really. Probably gonna work till Mid June then stop.


So the same thing happened for Wednesday. Did practically nothing, was quite stressful doing nothing for a day=.= believe it or not.


Thursday, flew down to Malaysia at noon, reached at 1 or so. Had Burger King at the Airport for lunch, bought a bottle of water (since you cant carry water on board planes =.=), and then bought a cab coupon O.o Apparently at airports you have to purchase a coupon for the cab fare, otherwise they charge even more. 73RM for a 1 hour drive to IMU.

Reached at about 330pm. Got lost. Lol. Security guard didnt know where I should go, so I wandered around for about 5-10minutes, and FINALLY found the admin office. How does the security guard not know where the admin office is when it was 10 feet from him =.= Ended up wandering all over the place.


ANW. Sat in there for about 5minutes, then verified all my certs blahblah. Then I got escorted by a 2nd Year med student up to the interview rooms. That guy seriously reminds me of 1 of my uncles who's kinda easy going hahah! Reached the outside of the room. It was a glass windowed room with chairs outside. And there was a lady probably 19yrs old sitting on one of those chairs. She was wearing like completely office-like O.o Blazer and everything, made her look 25 :/ Not very pretty, but definitely not bad-looking either (just saying ^^). So the escort guy made me chat with her, and we exchanged questions and stuff. "Where are you from?", "Where did you study", "DID YOU PREPARE FOR THE INTERVIEW", stuff like that.


Note the last question lol. When she asked me that, I told her I did = YES (and I did, but I only prep-ed for the normal interview questions, like:

"Tell me more about yourself"

"Why do you want to become a doctor"

"Why did you choose to apply to IMU in msia"


Stuff like that.

I didnt tell her what questions of course, cos she never asked, but if she did I wouldve just told her anw :/ I mean, these are all basic questions, right? She probably has them too, but besides the point --> She raised this book she was holding in her hand and asked me if I read it too cos everyone in her class seems to have 1. And it was titled:

150 Questions For Interviews to become a Doctor. "LOL, NOPE, I TAKE THAT BACK." Then I just started laughing, alll the wayyy down to my grave lol.

She was not the stuck-up type. If ya know what I mean. She was rly quite nice and friendly, and a talkative kind of person. So we ended up talking about all other things under the sun and joking while waiting for the interview lol.

Shortly later she entered the room, and a guy came out saying the interview was extremely friendly and easy, and it didnt look like he was bluffing, so I was quite relaxed alr. Then the escort guy looked at me and said smth: "Wa. You so chill ah. *plusplus smth else*." Hahahah practically laughing the whole time outside the interview room =.= Apparently he noticed I was reading a book not related to medicine or the interview at all O.o heheh

Then the lady/girl was done alr and wished me gd luck on her way out. Went in and the first thing was obviously greetings and blah, BUT, no handshake O.o Both female interviewers, but I mean, there shoudlve been a handshake, right??O.o But oh wells.

"Please take a seat"

And then, this: "Okay, this interview not like normal interview, ok? It's friendly, like chat, want to get to know you better and what kind of person you are, that kind of ting, okie?" AND YESH THE ENGLISH, AND YES I MISPELT ting ON PURPOSE cos that was how it sounded like. Bet you didnt even notice I mispelt it

1 Lady looked british, and the other (the one that spoke to me) was Malay, like our social studies teacher in sec sch lol. What was her name again, Mdm Maria, Mdm Nora? I cant rmb but anw A LOT like her.


Skipping all the weird formal parts, there was this:


You are a pilot, and there are 10 hours more before you reach your destination. One of your passengers had a cardiac arrest. (I Read this, and I was like, HOW ON EARTH AM I GG TO ANS HOW TO SETTLE CARDIAC ARREST?@.@ And then I continued reading) There is a plausible country you can stop at, but it'll take 2 hours from now, and the weather for landing there is extremely stormy. What will you choose to do and why? (ANDDD my heart starts beating again lol, no need to settle cardiac arrest heheh, that plus the pun which you probably didnt notice)

So I answered, and then it was over before I knew it, and another 1 hour ride back to KLIA2 (airport), and THEN THE WORST PART of the ENTIRE DAY. Reached airport at 5pm, flight at TEN FRIGGIN PM. Nothing to do. Listened to music, wandered all over the place. Ate noodles. Wandered around some more, at the slowest pace possible. And an extremely bad headache throughout the entire time. I felt like finding a bed and going to sleep.

So after 5 bldy long long hours, felt like 10 long dota games duration, finally got on to the plane.

OH SNAP, I forgot the most important part of this whole trip, EVERYWHERE, and I mean EVERY-WHERE, got friggin damn pretty girls. If Aijing read this she's probably doing the =.= face now. But the text is so long, she probably didnt make it this far >:D lol. IMU, Airport, Airplane, Waiting lounge, and Im obviously not talking about angmors, cos they're not my type, I mean Asians, andddd Im probably going on too much about this back to story

ON THE AIRPLANE, I couldnt sleep, cos of the headache, which made me feel very uncomfortable on the INSIDE, like nauseous, clausterphobic. Never hated taking planes so much. That, was damn bad. How am I gna survive the trip to Australia. Can someone bring me there in a car pls. Zzz.

Reached home around midnight, dropped on my bed, OH, and called my superior and told her Im taking another day no-pay leave on Friday (No screws given cos my head was screwing with itself and my insides felt like they were gonna be my outsides and =.= you know. No screws given), and then fell asleep.

NEXT MORNING DOTAAA :DDD AND FLUU :DDD I HAD FLUUU :DDDD FKKKKKKKKK. YOU KNOW WHY. COS OF MY COWORKER T.T He came to work when he was sick and I was attached to him the whole time T.T and his voice was changing and cos of the flu and all that and I was like T.T And sure enough, my voice changed, and post nasal drip, and sore throat. Buttttt I did all the anecdotal stuff and went to see a doctor, so Im fine now alr (Sunday) No fever not rly much sore throat. Done.

Lee Kuan Yew's passed away =( Feels so weird. I mean, I never even knew him personally, but it feels like Ive taken him for granted my whole life all of a sudden. And Im not even Singaporean.. Although I more or less grew up here my whole life. Everything everywhere now is related to his passing. Almost every newsfeed on facebook, every news on CNA.

This's like a milestone in life, and in Singapore history. As if Singapore's Father has passed away. Zzz time passed so fast, it passed before you even knew it. Ffs I still rmb primary school when everything was fine, now everything's changing, feels so damn weird. People going overseas, heck, Im going overseas probably. Never wouldve saw this coming in Primary School, but then again, I never had to think of this in Primary sch..

Wa damn it. Ord some 3 days ago, you'd think that after ord-ing you'd have a lot of time to slack around at home do nothing until you get sick of it =( go out with friends, watch movie, go bowling, have fun, NOPE. At home scanning documents, applying to SMU NUS NTU IMU, sending emails everywhere, checking if I got any jobs while applying for more jobs. Then again even if I had all the time in the world, Id have no one to go out with :( This is why I need a job I guess.

Anw, I was thinking of giving cheap tuition to those that cant afford it, like 5 bucks per hour, in a group lesson if possible. Should I??? Lol. Or should I just get a job?

Back to army today. Gimme 3 more days >:) I'll be officially done with this! Until reservist comes =.= hais my life is bugged by them till Im 40. If I go overseas I may not have to though, haha! Although Im not sure if I'll even get to go overseas.

Bought a book. Cost me an arm =(( So ex. But it's gonna be quite useful. Learnt a new song on the guitar! Trying another 1 now, but this other one I think kinda weird fingering. Have a few scores that I cant even play because of the techniques=(( using difficult techniques together zz. Start with the easy ones hehe! Actually the easy ones sound nice enough already. The difficult ones are close to impossible zz.

Anw, time to find a job! A part time job that is. Maybe if I can get one with chuw, it wont be so stressful, not that I have many people I can get a job with =( Everyone's schooling, and flying overseas. So many people overseas it's almost ridiculous. I never wouldve thought in sec sch that so many friends would be going overseas. Ethel, Mel, Kay Rui, Pris, Michelle, Bertrand, Melvyn. Now I've got friends everywhr in Australia =.= Sydney, Melbourne, Perth =.= Why is everybody choosing Australia when it is so hard to find a job there :/ Really beats me.

Anw, time to prep, gta go back to camp for 3 hours =.= Hais wonder what they have in stall for me, bringing me to a different camp 3 days before Im done with this :/ "Surprise! You got to do 2 more years!". I'll die I tell you. But come to think of it, army wasnt that bad, at least for me right? Since I get to come home everyday and have a chill breakfast with friends every morning, it actually was kinda like school, except they pay you when they need you to go in and stayover a couple of times a month. That, and you dont need to study, unless you need to do uni work of course, then you NEED ALL THE TEXTBOOKS and internet you can get. And of course a free driving license. Seems pretty much enough gain for someone who forced into conscription, no? Haha! Count my blessings. TIME TO CHANGE.

Looks like 1 day was all it took. SO bored of being at home. I wanna do stuff but Im stuck at home. Same old stuff. Nth much to do. In that sense army life was better =( at least I had things to do. Srsly cannot take it. Need to go out lol.

Nice day, went out for bowling with Michelle and Pris this morning, 2 games both above 100! So that's that. Had Astons, chatted for a really long time, all the way till 3, then left for home. They made me Almond Biscuits! It was damn nice! Crispy, salty, sweet, dno how to describe an almond biscuit hahah, but it was real good, finished all of it O.o hehe!

Played 2 games of Dota, won both.

Learning a couple of songs on the guitar.

Got called back again for army, but GUESS WHAT. I turned them down lol. So it's just tmr morning that I have to be back instead of tonight. Just about had enough of this. Driving in the morning tmr again. Damn sian.

5 more work days left in the army, all the rest is leave and off, haha! Finally, almost at the end. But then when I reach the end it'll be a new start line for other things. Life wont take a break, although the two years I wasted is probably a break in itself. Just about time.

So what happens if I go to Kl and cant come back and work?? I'll just have to find another way out, but meanwhile I'll prolly get myself a nice house there and a normal looking car (so I dont get mugged), while trying to get a postgrad that will be recognised elsewhere =)

Hais just lost a match of dota, and I hardly play anymore.

Met her today, gave her her prezzie and everything, not gonna chase anymore, just gonna do what I need to do.

Back to tekong tmr, and thurs, then I wont be there will March, for 3 days, then Im washing my hands clean, and getting a job with chuw teck, hopefully, haha!

Just done with a whole load of things. Still, spending money like water, as compared to last time anyway. Once this month is over, I dont think I'll be spending that much anymore alr hahah. Plus Im going to get a job after this month, most likely. Anyway, I've somehow managed to forget about some important things that happened ytd. So. About yesterday.

There was this narrow passageway, and it was shut off at one end by a closed door. And in this passageway, there were 2 birds, quite near the shut door. And this retard friend of mine, went rushing at the birds like a 4 year old would, and they birds went hysterical. They flew towards the door, and then they realised, "Shit, the door is shut, let's fly back the other way, in the direction the retard is charging at us, and drop birdsht all over them in the process." AND GUESS WHO GOT BOMBED. I saw this white thing flying directly towards my face, I was thinking "Ohh shyt, ohh crap" and I tried to dodge it, but couldnt, so instead of hitting me straight in the face, it hit me on the left side of my head. And I was like "f my life" followed by giving my friend the =.= face. And he was laughing like the retard he was.

So I went upstairs to the toilet to wash my hair, and this bird came hopping into the toilet like it was saying sorry, and I was like O.o "f my life".

Then I went up another floor, got some shampoo, and washed my hair again. Lol. End of chapter 1.

Now skipping the bad part at work.

Let's talk about having to book in at night.

So I was told I suddenly had to book in at night, and that's fine (not really, but still fine). Prepared everything bla bla, and went up to my bunk. No one else in it but me. (No, it's not a ghost story), I tried to go to sleep, switched off the lights at 10minutes before 11pm. Aaaand suddenly I feel an itching. On my right arm. (No it's not a ghost story), and I chose to ignore it. At 1130pm FORTY FIVE MINUTES after trying to sleep, I was still awake, with my right elbow getting itchy, I was like "that's enough", and I sit straight up and swipe on the light switch and I was greeted by this:

Cute little fly, lying ON MY BED, next to me, and 3 mosquito bites on my arm. I was like "ur dead", so I whacked it, and it didnt even dodge O.o, it just died. So all was well again and the universe started spinning again (meaning I fell asleep), and WOKE AT THREE BLOODY AM IN THE MORNING COS MY LEG WAS ITCHING LIKE NUTS DAAAAAFOOK O.o. Straight switch on the lights again, Mr Cute lying right where my feet were. Im not even kidding. The same as before except lying next to my left foot. *Whack*. And the universe started spinning again (you know what that means). And at 540am my alarm goes off and Im like foooooooook.




I was sure there was something else bad that happened ytd but I cant rmb what is was because SO MANY DAMNED THINGS HAPPENED YTD. Drove me nuts. Anyway, let's end it at that for now. Tokyo ghoul is getting nicer. Log horizon is getting dumber. Naruto is busy filling every episode again. One piece is dragging, as usual. The Seven Sins is going quite nicely. And World trigger is by far the best. Bleach has yet to start yet, so Im waiting. Tmr's xn's bday celeb, took up quite a bit of my time today, buttttt oh well it's worth it hahah.

Got a timetable for chores every day of the week now, gonna be a lot easier to do things properly.

Army Cohesion at sakura buffet today. Ate all the sushi I could. All sorts of other things. Sushi wasnt fresh that's for sure, but the soy sauce killed the fishy stale taste cos the stale taste wasnt that strong. So it wasnt too bad. Gonna slp!

Nights!

Almost Gone, But Still Here

Why on earth am I almost going to ord and everyone is on off and leave and everything, and i am stuck doing uni homework and driving details =(( omg late gtg

I am trying to find a new sleek blog template but Ive got no idea how to find it. Maybe I should pick up web designing for fun since ive still got 1 more month in ns.

Speaking of ns, I just sold a pair of shoes off Carousell and earned 20bucks hahah. Not bad really. Should find these opportunities more often. Next stop. Dinner with Chuw and Kay Rui.

A few things coming up soon! By Monday everything wouldve died down. Legoo peeps.


Damn uni homework still sitting around though == zzz. Gotta get rid of that soon.

Things are getting a lil confusing. But whatever.

Im kinda worried I wont be able to come back to sg and practise med, but maybe adapting is the best way to become successful? I dont have any interest in any course here anw. See how things go.

Getting my friend to get smth for me hahaha! Gonna be quite a fair bit cheaper. Plus I found a lot of interesting things being sold. Tempts me to buy so many things, like 70 bucks worth of random things that dont constitute to anything, SO I WONT.

Stupid S1 branch absent for the entire day. Phone engaged. Brilliant. Deafeningly so. Anw, I've pushed the interview date since they wont respond to my calls, not much I can do.

Friends, huh? This is one too many times =.= feels like it'll be a betrayal if I did something about it now.So Im just gonna leave it at that yups?


1month, 2 days to ord. Not particularly excited really. Need to find a job. And see how things go from there.

Days been getting easier with people around me the whole day, thank goodness for them.

Horrid nightmare 2 days ago, or was it 3 days ago, I forget. Anyway.

Went out with Mian Yu to the top of Pinnacle @ Duxton. Not bad. But the huge cargo boxes used to transport goods oversea (Im sure there's a name for them but I dont know what they're called) made the whole view very bad =( Then met Kay Rui for dinner at bedok mall area with Mian Yu.

Gonna go to church now, going to tampines mall later. Hate the place. Full of people, not much nice food, and nothing to do but watch movies lol. But anw, need to go there.


Applying for Med sch in msia alr. Just short of a passport sized photo! Gonna get 1 later. And Im waiting for a reply on Carousell. Xinni's bday present hahah. Still MIA!!

Well, today wasnt too bad, nothing emotionally twisting happened all of a sudden, just kinda longing thoughts..? Feeling's still the same though, guess I'll be treating her the same knowing things wont work out. Not gonna be easy, but gonna try. Talking about old times made it feel quite sad though.. Still rmb the first surprise I got that changed my opinion on her, but Im not gonna type that here.

Cant contact kay rui. I need to decide if Im going out in 5mins, but he wont answer, guess that more or less settles my choices :/

Macs for dinner, and Arrow, Flash, and Gotham for entertainment, sounds good enough, since my family doesnt watch White Collar. Maybe Naruto??

Anw, 1 game of dota, going back to normal life, let's try. Plus anw after ord I probably wont be playing dota so much, what a waste of life. Maybe I'll get a job, take up a class, and get to know more people. Hopefully people with the same goals this time.

Cant believe I had a debate with a friend today about why we're having kids. It was the most ridiculous thing ever. Made me wonder why Ive never met such people before. If you agree with any of the statements below completely, I'll buy you a drink. Here goes:

1. The main reason why you have children, is just so that they take care of you when you're old.

2. There is no such thing as love.

3. You should use fear to control your kids, not reasoning, because if they can reason on par with you, you've lost your authority as a parent. Any disagreements, just spank them. If they do math wrongly, just spank them as well. Make them fear you, and then enforce that they must take care of you when you're older.

4. Comparing how you raise your kids to how animals raise theirs, and using how animals raise their young to support your stand on how you should raise your kids.

5. And that we can use No.4, because we're also classified as animals.

6. Because statistics show that the population of women is becoming more than that of men, it is ok for men to have more than 1 wife.



Agree to any of these, and I'll buy you a drink, and then throw you out the balcony of my house, lol. I cant imagine showing Ethel point 6, although frankly I'll have no idea how she'll react, always surprises me how she doesnt judge things much, but I got a feeling this may touch a nerve, although it may not we'll never know. Maybe I'll text her and see her reaction hahah. I got a feeling any girl will disagree with point 6 anw.

So much bs, but GUESS WHAT? 4 People were debating this, and I was the only one standing on one of those sides. Hahahah! Apparently, I am living in an "illusion" according to them, because I do not support all these points. That they were living in reality, and I was living in my own world. 3 People, all 1 year or so older than me, agreeing to all these 6 statements. My company is beginning to worry me.

"You meet people from all walks of life" they say, and they say it like it's a good thing, which in a way it is, because it's testing my mental state right now on how liberal these guys are, it's almost like they're from another dimension. I've heard of parents that force their kids to take care of them when they're old, but if it doesnt happen willingly, you're going to spend the last few years of your life fighting with your kids everyday, and them treating you as a burden. This, is how you bring up kids that will eventually hate you.

They were even trying to bet with me to see whether I can raise my kids in the "Idealistic" way Ive mentioned, and still get them to take care of me when Im old O.o which contradicts everything because I dont expect them to take care of me when Im old. I'd like visiting them once in a while that's for sure, and seeing my grandchildren and enjoying family dinners once in a while, but really, all I need is my wife for company (because my wife will be the most important to me, probably even more than my kids, although I'll never know till then), and myself for support, everything else is secondary. Then once my wife passes on, I'm just going to wait for my time. If my children want to and will take me under their roof then that's all well and nice, otherwise I can just live near them and visit them twice a month, that'll work out fine too.

All this family talk. Where's my dota.

Colleague of mine started playing the song "Lucky" by Jason Mraz while I was in the room doing work. Lol. Click. And suddenly everything flows back in. And for that, I didnt hesitate to walk out of the room. Quietly. Not like I could tell him to stop playing music cos my insides were starting to go into knots thinking about karaoke sessions and duets. It's getting better, slowly, but surely, I think. Still cant listen to music though. This is going to take awhile.

University work starts today! 35marks to be put in 1 page. Done, in about 5 hours. No knowledge on the subject at hand, worked from scratch, hope I can get at least 30 marks for him hahah! But shouldnt be too tough a deal. I think. Im not sure if they want the words "Implementation Gap" in the answer, maybe I should edit it slightly tmr, just in case. 2 more words and it'll be more than 1 page already. Gonna have to cut a bit. Not much motivation to do it though, I told him to give it to my understudy since my understudy was so enthusiastic about doing something academic, but obviously didnt tell him my problems. He insisted I do it. So. I have to try my best to not let things make me feel down, and do it well. That song though.. Immediately un-did things..

Larry still his usual self, cant really talk to him at all. I need to get a move on with life, and I am, just rather slowly right now. He'll never understand though. So I wont tell him about it anymore.

Just watched the first 2 episodes of White Collar S6. Best distraction ever. But even the best distractions come to an end, right?

A very depressing poem just came to mind. I think this is becoming pretty ridiculous. Say positive things, and positive things will be done, right? Tough thing to do right now. Very positive indeed, I know. My level of bs sarcasm just rose with rare candy cheat codes. Even the watch I wear everyday reminds me of her.. Not much to say really.. I've linked her to so many things without noticing, that now everything's something..

Need to buy a Mike and a Video camera for my computer. Next month's online interview with the university, probably dont want to screw it up by not showing up at all. Plus I'll need to start skyping a lot of friends soon, might as well get one! I'd like to try it on dota, but recently I cant bear to play it. I dont know why. Just because Ive had the conversation with her on it? Or maybe just no mood for it? So damn pathetic. Disrupting my life for someone who doesnt feel the same way. What am I even doing?

Gonna get out of army soon, then all this, is going to feel a lot worse if it isnt already healed by then. Because Kay Rui will be gone, and there will be nothing left to do, but a lot of time for this emptiness. Got to fill it up.

Get up, and move.

0553am. She hasnt replied me yet, making this a lot harder than it needs to be. Maybe she's trying to give me space. Hais. Making things worse for me though, if she is avoiding me, which Im quite sure she is. I really dont know wads gg on, just a sad feeling reverberating around my insides. I should just go back to sleep yups? Thinking too much, I'll probably drop her a text at breakfast if she still doesnt respond.

Spend the whole day as secluded as I could. Needed to think things straight, and I've finally gotten my answer.

Im still going to treat her exactly the same way that I have always have, just that I now know that we'll never be together. Im going to like someone else eventually, and that will change what I think of today. I'll treasure the relationship between us, but right now, I cant change the way I treat her. But time will. I'll treat her like I always have, jokes and cute stuff and everything, I'll refrain from anything too affectionate, I wont think too much into things, and I definitely will not cut her off because she means a lot to me. 10 Years down the road when Im married, I think I would have changed and accepted her as a friend. It'll be weird when she has a family, but things will handle itself, I believe. I got a feeling if I keep dwelling on this, Im going to drop back into that same hole again, and then i'll have to grapple my way out all over again, so, as much as I need time to be alone and handle all this, I need time to be with people also, so I can take things lighter. She still hasnt replied my text yet, but she's landed ages ago, that much I know, but hey, we're friends now, I wont expect such things any longer. The wretched feeling inside isnt gone, that's for sure, but I will keep it at bay until it goes away. Since I cant change her mind, I'll have to change mine. Im going to sink back in if I continue, so I wont. Let's talk about today.

Got to the office, ran into Zhong Jun. Frankly didnt feel like saying anything, but we're buddies, so I smiled, and said yo. Did some work, then Larry called, went for a decent breakfast where I dropped my waffle after eating half of it =.= Larry wont listen much, he just gives advice a lot, not really what I needed, but anw, breakfast.

Got back to the office, finished up a bit of work. Off to my bunk. Locked the room door, sang, thought, felt, slept. Repeat. Wanted to blast music, but look:

You've got a friend in me
Gone Gone Gone
You're Beautiful
Your Heart Will Lead you Home
All of Me
Sweater Weather
Good life
Shadow
Somebody that I used to Know
When I was your Man
Thinking out Loud
All of the Stars
You Gave me Love

It was like saying: Hey how about you fall back into that shit you just tried to crawl out of. Freaking mocking me. My bloody playlist, mocking me. Time to sleep. Lol. That was it. Slept, from 1030 to 1230, chose to skip lunch, slept to 230. Woke up, went for a solo trip to the canteen and bought some food and a drink, thought again, lunch. Went back to office, superiors all gone home alr. 3plus for crying out loud. Talked to a Canadian friend, he's a really good listener, and advisor at the end of things. Knows most of my issues, told him about things before they happened and he was preparing me for it. Obviously not well enough, if I could prepare for something like this then it probably wasnt real. Talked, watched some anime. Time to go home, now here I am. Meeting Kay Rui and Chuw Teck in 45mins, better start changing. Life moves on. Because if I choose to stay here and contemplate, I'll just sink again, and really.. there's nothing I can do to change her mind, so there is not even any hope left. Why wait and feel all this when you cant change it? Maybe one day it will, you'll never know, but right now? Time to move on. I've got friends waiting for me, I've got my future waiting for me. Time to jump at things.

First thing in the morning. Just woke up. Last thing at night, first thing in the morning. My normal.. Must be changed.

I've got to start treating her like I treat Kay Rui. But that is completely different. Maybe like how I treat Chuw Teck? I text them only when I need to. When Im meeting up with them. But Im not meeting up with her any time till the end of this year, if we even meet up at all. I might be in Malaysia. I text her once every 3 days on average. I dont even do that with Kay Rui. I've been treating her like a potential gf that has gone overseas. I've been treating her special. Ive got to undo that. But where is the line.. how often do I text her? That's usually based on feeling isnt it.. But I cant rely on feelings this time. I dont tell Kay Rui about the stuff happening in my life unless it's about this, and he gives me advice. I dont want advice from her about someone else lol. Maybe treat her like I treat Xinni? But I dont usually text xinni every few days, and I dont tell her about how I feel each day or what Im doing everyday, only when we are going to meet up. Come to think of it, I hardly text people for no reason, only when we're going to meet up.

Things are supposed to change, but I dont know how.. I need to un-focus my life on her. She's now just a good friend, on the sidelines of my life, not a part of it in that sense anymore.. Not someone Im sharing my life with anymore. That means. I reply her when I feel like it, and I mustnt feel like this. Her texts must not make me excited. Im not excited when Kay Rui texts me, or Chuw. Right? I'm so confused. That means I stop telling her all that's happening in my life, right? How I feel about things, all the cute stuff, all the random stuff, all the conversation-making stuff, right? I cant take this. Im supposed to barely text her at all, and say things not very personal? I dont think I'll be able to stand it if she whatsapps me a pic of herself doing anything, or a guitar song, or her lessons in school. If she's not my partner, Im not supposed to be that interested in her life, right?

But if I do all this, our friendship will just grow distant. She sees this whole thing as a friendship, I used to see the exact same thing as a more intimate relationship, if I donwplay everything, it will seem to her like Im downplaying our friendship too. Basically, if i wasnt interested in her, I would not have continually texted her..? Is that it? I dont know what on earth Im saying anymore. I cant imagine not texting her every few days, let alone once a month. I think when Kay Rui goes overseas, it'll be damn difficult to maintain.. Why the flying F*** is everyone going everywhere anyway. Makes things so much more difficult. Life's getting more difficult each day. ORD feels more like a curse in disguise. I'll suddenly have so much free time, but there would be no meaning to it. There would be no meaning in texting her anymore, kay rui will be gone. Life's going to change. A lot. And if I go overseas to malaysia, it'll change even more. Basically, she's one of the meanings in my life, even when she's overseas, I still make her a part of it. Now that she's not supposed to be in my heart anymore, where's the meaning in my life??

So in order to treat her as a friend, I have to lose our relationship altogether?? I have to put in effort, to devaluate what we have now?..?!?! But if I treated her like I treat Kay Rui now, I wouldnt even be texting her at all, yet alone be holding an endless conversation about each of our lives on a daily basis. I only text Kay Rui when we want to meet. Likewise for chuw teck. Likewise for Brian. For Larry. For Jordan. But I cant meet her till year end or maybe worse, doesnt mean I dont text her at all.. What do I say in my texts even? She sends me stuff about her daily life, retarded stuff, and it felt like a relationship to me when she does. Felt like she was making an effort to make me a part of her life, letting me into her life. Apparently, but it doesnt work that way to me. If Im not interested in her, I wouldnt even be texting her, because the only emotion Ive felt for her is this, that drives my want/need to talk to her. But now, if I need to erase that.. would a normal friend be talking to you every 2 days when you're overseas for a year? But we're not normal friends right? We're supposed to be like best friends. Even then, every 2 days? Maybe once a month is more like it. Right?! I cant do that. Ive been talking to her every 2 days for the past 4 years. It's like a daily routine already. She's part of my life because Ive made it that way since day 1. I've put in a conscious effort to make her feel important, to make her feel wanted. Now Im supposed to take that away, and replace it with friendship. That's bull.

No one reads my blog safe 1 person, so. For once, I shall type a sad post here. Just like how I would type it on the other blog. Because this time, it's me.

Do you have any idea, how it feels like, to be ripped apart by yourself. By your own emotions. A dilemma between what you want to do because your feelings tell you you absolutely must do it, or you simply will not be able to live with yourself, but the facts tell you you cant do it, because it cannot be done anymore. It literally hints at suicide, but your maturity tells you otherwise.

I liked her so much. From day One when I confessed to her. And here, a story begins.

I didnt like her for her looks at first. I thought she looked extremely average, and that there was no way I would ever get together with her. But one day, she fell ill while I was at school, and I dont know why, but I decided to text her, and being chivalrous and everything I asked if she needed me to take notes. And that started every, single, thing. I dont know how. It just did.

I saw her for who she was on the inside, the first time I started liking someone because of her character and not her looks that acted as the spark. And so it continued, until one fine day, I decided it was time to do something about it. I dont know if it was my worst mistake ever, or the best decision in my love life so far. But I did it. I invited her to a concert, planned every friggin little detail, waited for the correct song, and then confessed. It felt like my life was complete. I didnt need beer or alcohol or cigarettes to feel high, feeling high is just a loser's way of life. This, was meaningful. Conversations and time with her made me feel alive all the time. But the sad part was she had to leave, she wanted to study something not provided here, and so, for the first time in a very long time, I tasted tears when she left.

But it was not over. I couldnt give up. I've confessed, and that meant I needed answers, or I'd wait, so we decided we were supposed to remain good friends. And I thought I could lie to myself and make that possible. And I did, and I fooled myself. For all my actions for her were not as a friend, but as a potential partner, yet the whole time I managed to fool myself into thinking that all my actions were termed as "friends". But I dont regret it, because it was the only way I could treat her. And I now that I need to change that, I really do not know how.

I went over with another friend after awhile, termed the trip as a visit to a friend, and it was absolutely awesome, for the most part, I guess. The whole time I felt like there was a third party there, but he was my best friend, and she seemed very relaxed and enjoyed it a lot. She was happy, should I be unhappy that she was happy? Obviously not right? I mean, I came down here to make her happy, therefore I felt happy too, although slightly annoyed, but the feeling of just being together with her was good enough. Lived with her family, her sister is damn cute and fun to be with, her bro is the male version of her, unbelievably funny, and visited places, sang songs in the balcony, everything. Everything was like a dream. Except real. And I enjoyed that trip a lot. Not to mention them trying to hack my phone and find my very secret stash of things, but that's another story. She really enjoyed it! And I was so friggin happy, I dont think there're words for it. Definitely grew closer. But we grew closer thinking in different ways..

Every trip she made back I was friggin happy, but obviously I tried to play it down a little, probably didnt work, in hindsight. And every trip back, we did fun things tgt. Watch lord of the rings, friggin 3 hour long movie, almost fell asleep while eating chicken wings. Went to her house for a sleepover, brought the xbox and everything, her sis was damn enthu about it and all haha. Eating, shopping, chilling, singing, gaming, bowling, everything, it didnt really matter! As long as she was there, it was worth it.

All the texts we had over the whole 4 years, almost once every 2-3 days. I admit I probably acted dumb in some of those texts just to act cute hahah, but I got a feeling she took some of them seriously O.o but anw, it felt like there was something going on here. My friend was asking when we'd officially get together, and really I didnt care about answering him, I just wanted her to answer me. Which now that she has, my whole world feels like it just disappeared. I got no words for this.. Really.. You cant describe it, you can only feel it.

After awhile, she's no longer an average looking person. She looks great. No matter what she wears, no matter what her hairstyle. After awhile the things you saw as potential problems in a relationship become things you are looking forward to facing together with her next time, that that's part of her, and that if you love her, you'll love that too, and true enough, somehow, that happened.

So now, I've reached the very tip of the top of everything, and everything is now going to sink. Just like that. Overnight. No, it's not her fault. It's mine. For having lived in a world, I thought could exist eventually. For throwing myself off the edge and hoping and praying, that I'll get caught, and life will get a whole lot more interesting. We'll have a family and quarrels and fun times, and everything. Now, that picture is completely non-existent, and feel it. Can you feel it?? No you cant.. No way you could..

I've shot my last round, everything in, and it has not worked. My heart says it cant give up, but she says I have to give up. Can anybody please just tell me now, what, on earth do I do? I dont need answers anymore. I dont know what it is that I need. Time? Another person? Distractions? Siphon the feeling into anger to make it go away easier? Or just cut everything loose, and stop talking to her at all. I cant do anything, but I must do something. This whole time I've been treating her like she would actually become my partner, it's my fault, not hers, I dont even feel angry at her, all I feel is emptiness. Loneliness. Devoid of words, or actions, just drenched in feelings, which wont dry up and cant go anywhere else. I want her affection, her reliance, her life in mine, but that's all in another world. I cant get it. I want to stay and use my determination to change the way she feels, but that last shot was the most Ive ever opened myself up to anyone, ever. When I read it, I felt it hit home, more than satisfactory, it was perfect. But it did not work. Therefore this, all this, is already written in stone. I cant change it anymore. It's gone.

Everything reminds me of her. I cant talk to her differently, because I like her, that's how I've been talking to her for the past 4 years, it's hardwired in me, it's ME now. I cant listen to songs properly anymore because half the time Im thinking of her when I hear the songs. Jay Chou songs? That's absolutely impossible now. How will I ever be able to bear hearing most of my songs again. Half the time i play the guitar Im thinking about her because she sends me songs of herself playing the guitar. And Ive always played the guitar to impress her since Jc.. How am I going to..? I've played Cs with her now even, I cant do anything. Literally. Everything important in my world is linked to her somehow. How will I ever treat her differently? I dont think I'll ever feel comfortable not meeting her alone. That's not going to change because originally, she and I had no close mutual friends until the trip. She feels comfortable with it, but I dont.

I really thought I could touch her with what I felt for her one last time, and I really thought it was possible that she'd say "Wait for me :)" at the end of the whole thing. And I'd feel the most elated feeling you will never be able to even dream of imagining. I really wanted that.. How on earth am I going to do anything now? Reality's still here. Tmr I've got to go to work and try my very best to treat people normally. Jovially. That's how I normally am at work. That's impossible. I dont feel like complying to any orders right now. There's no energy.. I dont know.. I dont know anything anymore. It's like part of my soul is wrenched out of me, and my chest is twisting itself and trying to rip itself up somehow.. Do you have any idea how I feel?? There's no way.. 4 Years of this, to disappear right now. It cant be done. I cant do it. Nobody else seems to matter all of a sudden. What do i do now? I cant fall asleep, 2am. I've got to wake at 5. I cant function. Because I literally cant do anything. Memories of her in my study room, at white sands, at klp where I made a bet with her on bowling, spending a year trying to beat her score, her house, the concert, singing with her. So pathetic, but I cant help it, it's her, and I like her. I dont know what to think anymore. Broken. And I cant do anything about it. I want to tell her we should never talk again, but I dont want to do that either. I want her to feel for me, but that's impossible.. It cant be forced, she just doesnt feel the same way. I want to accept it, I want to respect it, I told her I would. But How!?!?!? how?!!? I like literally everything about her, I'd probably give up my life for hers, and I've reached the point where if I got into a relationship with her, I'd probably marry her. End of story. After that there would be a lot of things to come, but hey! We're together, we can sort things out. I'd compromise for her, I love her.

But now I cant do anything, but pray. And cry. I've only cried 4 times in the past 10 years, and 2 times were for her. The other 2 were at damned funerals, when I lost my granddad, and when I lost my closest uncle. I go to bed thinking about her, and i wake up in the morning wondering whether she has texted me. So how am I going to change?!!? Please!?!? I cant do anything.. nothing..

I want to wake up now and this could all just be one nightmare, and I'll feel the greatest sense of relieve ever for getting a nightmare. But it isnt. Im.. lost. She's just, everything to me. I need to move on, but SOMEONE TELL ME, HOW?

You are the most awesome thing that has happened to me thus far, and probably the worst too. Perhaps the only thing i can blame you for is not telling me sooner, but even then, I cant bring myself to blame you.. Do you knoww.. How that feels? It doesnt matter, because you wont see this, and even if you did, it wouldnt change the way you felt for me. I like you. And I will probably continue to like you, until this feeling wears off, which it seems takes more than 4 years to do..

I normally say "I like you" because I think "I love you" sounds childish. But this, will be an exception. I actually love you, you know that..? I really do.. And now that i cant stop.. What should I do?

I just read something. It was extremely ironic, because of where I read it, but it sits with me, a lot. And I see a whole new side to things on other pages. Its not an angry thing. I just never read it till now, and a lot of it seems to apply to me.

"If someone wants you in their life, they'll find a way to put you there. Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you."

"... Of all the people in the world I could have ever loved, that I had to fall for someone who was to leave me."

Hais, Im not angry, or anything, just that I saw this now, and I cant help but wonder why on earth it was where it was. Im sad. But I dont know how to express it. The last shot hasnt made its way through yet, but it will tonight at 1120, and then it's either a miracle, or a very painful experience I will have to face and move on. I've no idea how to move on yet. This is the blog I try to post happy things on, and I have another blog that's just for all the sad, unhappy and frustrating things, and I've made a trip there yesterday again. Anyway, this post is somehow supposed to encompass 4 years of a complicated experience, and if it all comes to an end tonight, I really, will be at a complete loss for words. Because there is no way to fill this post up with the 4 years of feelings, pain and fondness.

"Okay left", Guess it's time to go. I want to treat her the same, but that would be wrong if tonight will not produce my miracle, but to treat her any different would be detrimental to our friendship as well. Not that I can actually change the way I feel for her anyway. Ive tried so many times, but somehow it doesnt work that way.

Time to go. Miracles, anyone?

One final shot. Load everything, shoot. No regrets. Let's go.

This is turning put to be quite the busy week👳👳!

Made a trip all the way down to bukit batok ytd._. My batok was as pain as how far the journey was after sitting down for so long hahah but yeah. Collected my stuff, from a rather cheerful girl:) probably will need to buy stuff from her next time as well, nice dealing with her hahah!

Today gonna go all the wat down to clarke Quay._. Well it was supposed to be tampines, but I ended up being asked out to dinner, and I couldnt decline, so Im all out going^^!

Youuu sayyy Im crazy, Maybe we found love right where we are, hahah! The music now. THE medley of awesomeness^^!

Is lying always a bad thing?? Hais. I feel bad for lying.. But I cant tell them otherwise now. Damn. Haven lied for so long, it sudden feels so bad.. Was it always so bad? Hais. It's not even a consequential lie. Unbelievable.. Im never gonna do this again sian. Anw, the lie's probably worth it, otherwise the trade off would be too much.

Now. Apparently Im going to a Jap restaurant somewhere at clarke quay. Time to change the mood abit!

One huge long rant, that I cant post on this blog, is on a separate private blog.

Count the number of good things happening to me now, and maybe that'll make all the unhappy thoughts go away. I really need out. So I am out. Time to wake up, and do everything I can for my future, and not worry about this now. I wish I could cuss and swear to get my head off of it. But I cant, because I've decided to no longer feel that way for her. Im not going to type anymore because if I say anything else that makes my decision in this waver, that's the end of this, and I'll be back at square one. 1 Last chance for this to work out. If I get the same answer, I'll decide for myself, and that's going to be a No.

Because I cant clap without your hand. Not for this.

Damn, Chuw Teck's grandmum has come down with pneumonia =( Hope she recovers soon!

Was supposed to go have a sleepover at Ethel's place today, but it ended up being cancelled... =( And this was one of the things I was looking forward to the most since she has come back, a sleepover that is. But now Im suddenly finding myself with a free Saturday to do nothing (which is normally a good thing since going out has been kinda tiring, but I was really looking forward to it, so it's more disappointing than it should be..), very basically now im kinda sad.. hais.

Time. To do something to get my mind off of it.

I'd normally like to stay at home, but now i feel like I shld be going out, internal dilemma. Kay Rui's not free, Aijing Xn also prolly wont make it so last notice, right Aijing?O.oooo Larry may be able to meet. Hais. Really.. Sian. Time to start posting stuff on another blog.

Today, was absolutely retarded.

I feel bad typing all that happened today cos it'd make someone look bad, so I shant. Let's talk about the neutral-good things.

Went out with Melvyn, all the way to Buona Vista. He was late, to say the LEAST. the least. hehe. Anyway, after lunch, we went all the way from buona vista mrt to clementi on FOOT. LOL. This keeps getting better no matter how Im trying to say it hahahah. Visited his Primary School, and Secondary School, and SIT, and U-Town, and New Town Sec school, and Singapore poly, all for NOOOO reason. I wish Mr Melvyn was reading this. Then finally took a bus back to clementi down the road, before gg home.

Left home at 1120. Reached home at 1745. Not bad alr hahah! Was still quite an enjoyable day frankly ;) Although the treat did not go as plan, hahaha! Unless you count treating me to mineral water HAHAH but okok enuf said.

Tmr. No.1 Parade. Gonna be. Such. A. Drag.

Time to blog about the past few days!! I've no idea why the posting cant be organised properly, probably because I started using the new template, but anyway, it'll have to do.

09/01/15

Went for the IELTS Speaking test on the 9th! Was horrendous. You have to speak a lot, to say the least, if you get my pun. Haha! You dont get to stop until the time is up, so saying what you think is enough, is DEFINITELY NOT enough. The lady was not exactly very friendly, but it was an examiner, cant expect her to be all in the mood for conversation right?? So that was that.

10/01/15

IELTS Again, but this time it was the written tests. Now this, was a breeze. Like really, it was dead easy. The listening component was super easy. Maybe out of 40 Questions I'll get 3 wrong, and that's if I actually get them wrong, cos i think they're prolly right. The reading Component was slightly more difficult, but still on the easy spectrum, so not too much worries there. Main problem in the reading component was the True/False/Not Given Questions. Really racking my brain with the False and Not Given portions. Then the essay writing. Which I think is prolly the worse of the three. 1Hr to do 2 tasks, so not enough time to really plan out everything that you want to say. Not exactly difficult because of task, but more on time. Plus ya dont get 10 questions to choose from lol, there's just the one.

OVER AND ABOVE ALL THIS, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FREEZING. Must've been 10 degrees in there, froze my hands and balls into friggin ice. SO FRIGGIN COLD, and I WAS WEARING A JACKET. Best part was you cant leave the hall. Waiting time + Listening + Reading + Writing Test = 3 Hours plus. Absolutely Froze inside lol half the time I was sitting on my hands. After that it was all good hahah!


11/01/15

Met Ethel and Brian for a buffet at Kiseki, Somerset! All I had in mind was eating salmon, so everything else in terms of food was really really blurry. Except for the tea. Hahah! Ethel was telling me not to drink it with sugar! So I ended up not doing that. But anw, had a very nice chat, very nice time. Then went shooting photos off in every direction, and them teaching me how to make the swag face, which did not work out at all, haha! Then went walking down the road all over the place till it was time to leave. Bought ice cream from one of those ice cream push carts too while walking ^^ very relaxing.

12/01/15

Met Mel on the 12th. Supposed to be just for lunch and to chill, but she had plans in mind to bring me ice skating!!! So Ice Skating it was! Twas AWESOME FunuNu! Felt a lot easier once I had the correct ice skate size, and the off on the ice it wass! But fell down a couple of times! Halfway through, we ran into 2 of her friends who were apparently a couple, and the girl (Amelia) was teaching the guy (Shawn) to skate! Was quite romantic and funny and everything hahah!

Sitting down on the ice!

Ma Glove @.@

District III in da house!

On the ice!

"Whyy must I do this pose!?D:" Face hahaha! Was funny.


Too many different photos haha! Shant post all^^ haha! Have vids too! Commentary level max lol. But anw! It was a real good time :)

13/01/15

Went out with family to celebrate my birthday! Was AWESOME! SHARKS FIN SOUP! Peking duck! And some damn tasty chicken! Hahah! They really knew what I'd like! Shark's Fin soup is like my most favorite food!! Unfortunately it's too ex, Im usually into the "let's not kill animals brutally and eat them" motion for other animals, but that really, really doesnt apply to sharks for me. Maybe cos i grew up eating it at every wedding i went and it was too hard to find but it tasted so damn awesome! So I understand if ppl boycott them, but that's not for me. Sharkss Fin soup's damn delicious! Personally. So that's that.


14/01/15

Sembawang Camp, 0800 Hours. "I'll be there to personally take you all" -- BUT HE DIDNT TURN UP AT ALL.

Well anyway let's not mention that. I shouldnt even have gone since I was on mc. But whatever right. Not gonna explain too much on this. To follow up anyway, I've got to show up for a parade this coming saturday! No.1 and everything, so that settles that.

15/01/15

Went out with Kay Rui today to go to an emart all the way at the wee ends of the globe somewhere inbetween Tiong Bahru and Outrum Park! ya wouldnt think it's far, but we WALKED lol! Almost all day! It was fun actually! And funny along the way haah! Kay Rui wanted to buy the Acis shoes at the emart, but all the other emarts didnt have stock anymore, and a long reasonable explanation but I shall skip the why part! Went to Harbourfront, then began our march to emart! Along the way, bought an ice cream from the push cart stall, and he (push cart uncle) was having a BIT of difficulty cutting the ice cream and putting it between the biscuits! So my Ice cream ended up in 2 separate pieces inbetween 4 biscuits. Like, not 2x(2biscuits and 1 ice cream), but 2 pieces of 1 block of ice cream inbetween 2 biscuits on top and at the bottom, melting all over inbetween a plastic bag. Absolute NIGHTMARE that ended with sticky fingers! hehe! Shouldve taken a picture.

Then bought Teh O Bing, and walked to emart, far far away. Got stuck in the mud thanks to Kay Rui's judgement to take off-track roads instead of the nicely paved one right beside it!@#$%^& Had a laugh. Then finally reached the emart. I bought 2 pairs, Kay Rui bought 1 pair + miscellaneous items. Im probably not going to use the shoes so let's see how it goes, 1 pair I've already given to mel haha! Had her size and all. Walked to Tiong Bahru hawker 2nd floor, from downstairs looked like there was no one there and we were at the wrong place, but turns our we were right haha! Ate Xiang Gang Mian, wasnt as good as the one next to church! Then had a scenic walk through tiong bahru again, the designs of the buildings and all was very nice (at that place anyway), then walked to outrum park mrt, and back home it was! Bought a bubble tea haha! That's my birthday!^^


So all in all, celebrated with Ethel, Mel, Family, Kay Rui, Jordan they all this weekend for lunch maybe, and Aijing Xinni they all on the last day of the month! Wouldnt be complete without that hahah! Melvyn's treating me to lunch tmr I think, but anw, I wanna slpover at the end of this month!! And this time im bringing a slping bag! =( Hahah!